What Being Alone Has Taught Me

We live in a time and age where we are constantly connected to the whole world through the internet. From hanging out with friends every day to working at a job that requires constant social interactions, some of us simply never get the chance to be completely alone. I grew up in a very big family and a crowded house myself, I was always surrounded by family and friends and even after I moved away I always had jobs where I was at all times interacting with other people, I have led an extremely socially active life until now. I grew up in a society where what other people think and say about you is put into really high regard (outdated and dumb). A few years ago when I moved away again I found myself completely alone for the first time in my whole life and the fact that I had never been alone before was so weird to me. I felt anxious, deprived, lonely and isolated but once I came to terms with it, what became clear to me was that I wasn't lonely, I was simply unfamiliar with the circumstance. So I decided to explore it and these are a few things I learnt throughout that process.

1. Lonely: alone and lonely are not actually the same thing, a lot of people out there actually enjoy being alone are they lonely or sad? no! they are doing that by choice, I always saw people like that before and wondered how the hell do they do that?? now I finally understand why these people know who they are and what they want and their vision of that isn't influenced by other people. When you know yourself, you have more mental clarity and a better sense of self and well! that sounds really peaceful to me.

2. Living Under Influence: the actual reason we feel lonely when we are alone is that we don't know ourselves, how can you enjoy your own company when you are in the company of a stranger? I remember feeling lost and lacking focus towards my goals and to be honest my goals were just things I saw around myself and perceived as ideal. Those goals were wrong, they were not for me, none of it was for me or for who I truly want to be. I was just a creature other people's perceptions, opinions and influences had created. I couldn't see that without taking some distance from everyone because breaking free of all the influences to get in touch with your own self was something I had LITERALLY never done. I finally had the chance to see the world in my own perception for once.

3. Self-Awareness: Once I accepted the fact that I never took the time out to know myself and this was it, I became very aware of my own actions, I started writing it down even vlogging myself on lazier days to see what I was saying and doing. Once I understood how I felt and why I finally understood myself and that also helped me understand the people around me. 

4. Healing: After becoming aware of my own patterns and ways I got the chance to understand what was going on inside me, I finally recognized all the past traumas and events that were constantly influencing the way I felt and dealt with certain situations. You need to know the root cause of the problem before you can heal it and that is exactly what I worked on. I don't know if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but it sure makes you who you are and as humans, we can choose to change that at any given moment.

5. Self-Love: Now that I had healed and become more aware of myself, I also got the chance to work on the good qualities I had, that I mostly neglected or never really gave myself enough appreciation for, I automatically felt calmer and content. Little things I was good at, the good qualities that came to me naturally, I stopped putting so much pressure on myself and was able to see the good in me too. I didn't need anyone else anymore ( or have anyone else) to validate me or remind me of the good parts, I could see them for myself.

Now I'm not saying you need to isolate yourself or abandon everyone in your life to go find yourself or that you should completely disregard other people's ideas, suggestions and knowledge because being open to these things helps us learn and create a life for ourselves but what makes sense to you and what doesn't only comes from staying in touch with yourself. It is SOOO important to take time out every now and then and check on yourself. In a world where you are always working, socializing and browsing the internet, constantly in touch with other people's perceptions and opinions of life it is crucial to remember to look at your own vision too. So the next time you start feeling a bit burnt out to take a break and talk to yourself. It was so freeing and satisfying finally letting go of all the burdens and beliefs society had put on me and finally just relax and start living on my own terms.